Dead Bliss
by Naoki-the-dreamer
Summary: Weeks after his journey, Link is in way over his head with his failing marriage. But suddenly, he is faced with terror and uncertainty, as he is dragged into a chaotic fight for his life full of horror, surprises, and shattering truths.
1. Begin the Torture

**~ This is my first fanfic xD I don't own Zelda, blah, blah. Enjoy! Reviews make this girl's world turn round :)**

It was a beautiful day. Wispy clouds ringed the sun, reigning in a waxy blue sky on the finest summer morning. Light filtered gently through the muddy windows of Link's house.

"Honey."

He turned over, blotting out the voice that interrupted his dreams.

"Link."

He put the pillow over his head.

There was a noisy sigh. It must be Ilia. _Who else? _he wondered.

"I shaved your eyebrows," said Ilia, shaking him.

_Not impressed, _thought Link, shaking her off like a bothersome fly. He turned over again, blonde hair ruffled by a slight breeze.

"I killed your horse. I broke your sword. I'm leaving you for some tattooed guy I met in Kakariko."

"Okay, okay, I'm getting up," groaned Link, finally opening his eyes.

"No, wait," said Ilia, pushing him back down as he struggled to sit up. "I've got more. We're in debt, I sold all of your clothes, I dyed your hair Hylia-blue, I…"

"Oh, stop it," said Link.

"I was only joking," said Ilia, looking slightly hurt. "And I've made us toast." She scrambled ungracefully off of his bed and bounced into the kitchen - a new addition. She returned balancing a plate of what looked like lumps of charcoal.

Link blinked.

"Got a little too excited with the fire, did you, sweetheart?"

"Shut up," his wife said.

His wife. He, Link of Ordon, had acquired, well not _acquired _so much as _had been cursed with, _a beautiful, youthful, new wife who did all the things she thought was expected of her: she made him breakfast despite his insisting otherwise, she neatly folded all of his clothes, she scolded him when she thought necessary _(all the time), _and she focused her large, hawk-like eyes onto him to gaze at him with mushy romantic wonder. Link, at best, had smiled at her. He hadn't really kissed her since the day they married. They had married only a couple weeks after Link was riding home, dirt-covered and both physically and mentally exhausted, from saving Hyrule.

Link grinned, taking a lump delicately. He took a bite and choked.

"G-Good," he said. "Wonderful. Delightful. Delectable, delicious -"

"I _get it," _said Ilia, smacking his arm in a loving way. She sat there staring at him as he slowly pretended to nibble on the toast. He felt his face crawling with embarrassment.

"You don't like it," she said, her face falling.

Link felt guilt sharply overtake the embarrassment. "No, they're great. Honestly."

She stared at him with those huge, unblinking eyes. She moved forward, edging towards him, until they were nose to nose, and then kissed him with enthusiasm. Link kissed her back, just a little, to keep her pleased, and then pulled away, his face hot again.

"No," growled Ilia, grabbing the front of his shirt. She dragged him close again with a little too much fervor and they fell onto the hard, dusty floor.

Link untangled himself as gently as he could. Ilia's face was dark; her voice was even darker.

"Why don't you ever want to kiss me?" she asked. Demanding, like a child.

"I do."

"No, you don't. You pull away. What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sometimes I think you don't love me."

Link didn't answer. He heard the _haaaff _of her breath as she exhaled and felt another crashing wave of guilt wrack his body.

"We got married," she said, and her voice was high and thin and dangerous. "You married me. You said yes! If you didn't love me, why did you say yes?"

Again Link did not respond.

"Tell me you love me," snarled Ilia, her mood swinging downhill. "Say it, you selfish, insensitive -"

"I love you."

Ilia slammed her palms down onto her thighs and then tottered to her feet, a single tear careening down her cheek. She glared at him with accusing eyes, anger exuding from every cell in her body.

"You don't mean it," she said.

Link didn't know how to answer that. Yes? No? Maybe so? Of course I mean it, honey. Yes, I mean it with every particle of my heart, but I can't say that, because it would be a _lie -_

So he said nothing. His silence seemed to infuriate Ilia more than words would have.

"You don't marry people, and say that you love them, when you don't!" she shouted. "Everyone knows that, stupid! Why not get rid of me now, then? Why not tell me to get the hell out? Why not? Do it, you miserable _hero -"_

Link shrunk inside of himself, trying to block her out, and he _was _miserable. He was miserably trapped with this demon-woman, and he was too nice to say it, even though he longed to. He burned to say those shining words, _Get the hell out. _But he couldn't. He wouldn't. He was condemning himself, he was hurting two people at once, and he couldn't fix it.

Why did he marry Ilia at all? He remembered Rusl taking him aside one day and saying, _Link, my friend. I can see you are restless among with us mortal people. _Rusl had smiled. Nodded. Laughed. _Why don't you settle down, find yourself a wife, and be as happy as I am? Look at Ilia. The poor girl longs for you, Link, and you deny her every day and break her heart. You went out to rescue her, didn't you? You have to feel _something _for her._

And he had, of a sort. But it was the tiniest, weakest 'something' that made him do it. A sense of something left undone. He had set out after Ilia to save her, but for the rest of the village. He had never felt a real, true 'something' for her. He just knew, at the time, that not any member of the village could be lost, especially not the mayor's daughter.

And look what it led to.

"I'm not leaving you," he said to Ilia. He didn't really like to talk. He was a listener, and it felt strange to have to explain himself to anyone, especially this woman-child glaring at him from above. "I love you too much. I don't kiss you because I want it…to be…" _Oh, God. _He blushed. "…a special…you know, occasion, when we do. Makes it sweeter. You've heard the saying: _Absence makes -"_

" - _the heart grow fonder, _yeah, I've heard it," finished Ilia curtly, but she did not appear quite as mad as before. "That's the sorriest excuse I've ever heard."

Link shrugged. "It's not an excuse."

"Quit lying to me," said Ilia, "or I'll have the devil cut your tongue off."

_Yeah, you would know the devil, _Link thought, nibbling on his toast. He sensed the fight was over, but only for now.

"Kiss me," said Ilia suddenly.

"What?"

"Did I stutter or did your ears flap over?"

Link stared at her. Her hands were on her hips and she was gazing at him with a soft, most un-Ilia-like expression. It was unsettling.

"Kiss me or I'm leaving you, and I'll marry that new boy in town, What's-His-Face Rowley, because of course he's madly in love with me, and you'll be the only boy besides the little ones that isn't settled." The threat came out velvet-soft and hollow, but Link knew that she meant it.

He stood up very slowly, leaving his charcoal lump on the floor, and moving with the grace of a born swordsman, he put his arms loosely around her thin, bony shoulders and kissed her tenderly. It took all of his effort not to jerk away, for kissing Ilia felt like kissing Telma - wrong, awkward, stillborn. Something that was not meant to be. He turned his head slightly and drifted into a sort of haze, numbing himself so he would not feel. The kiss seemed to be lasting days and days, days turning into weeks and weeks turning into months. Months of standing there trying to numb himself while it still endured. He felt as trapped as the statues he had once brought to life. As old as Hyrule. And still they stood in that tiny, airless room and made no effort to break the kiss that they began.

Finally, after several lifetimes, Ilia was the one who pulled away.

"Thank you," she said in a much softer voice, resting her head on his shoulder. "Now I believe you."

Link felt extremely awkward. He debated patting her head and decided against it. He let her lean heavily against him and stood as still as stone.

_I don't love you. I don't love you…_

_Help me._

"Well," he said, and then wished he hadn't spoken. Ilia looked at him with shining eyes. "Well…we ought to finish eating…the charc - er, the toast - is getting cold."

"Yes, you're right," said Ilia, sitting down on the bed. She yanked him down and snuggled into his side. "Actually, I'm not that hungry."

"Me either," said Link, relieved.

"Let's stay home together."

"No!" Link shouted.

Ilia looked at him.

"No…I…have to go to town," said Link, thinking fast. "My sword is a bit dull-looking and I need Rusl to sharpen it up for me."

"Why? What do you need it sharpened for?" Ilia asked, sitting upright and cocking her head curiously.

"I - what?" Link said, even though he heard her perfectly well.

"I said, Why?"

Link cast his mind out and settled on wood. He smiled, a picture of innocence.

"I need it for chopping firewood," he said triumphantly.

Ilia frowned. "But that's your Master Sword. You used it to slay Ganondorf. Do you really want to waste it on something so trivial as wood-chopping? I have a hatchet…"

"My sword's better," he said stupidly. "Ah - firmer. Yes, it's much firmer and easier to use."

"Baby, are you sure that you want to -"

"Yes," said Link shortly. "Yes, absolutely sure. What am I going to do with it anyhow? Hang it on the wall like a bloodstained trophy? Ganon's dead, the twilight's gone forever…"

And yet he knew it was not true. He loved the sword like he loved Midna.

Shock made his vision go hazy. _Did I really just think that?_

Midna..

"Link? Are you okay? You look faint."

"I'm fine," he said out of habit and left, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Angels and Demons

Town was very busy. People swarmed so thickly that Link had to practically fight to get his way through. _I fought Gorons, _he thought. _I fought skeletons rising from the dead, I fought Ilia this morning, kind of, and if I can do that, this is nothing. _In truth, he felt guilty again. His sword was as sharp as ever; that was one of the perks of having the Master Sword. It did not dull. There was no need to go see Rusl and spark awkward questions, and definitely no need to go back home to a crazy wife. He lingered unhappily in the town, nodding his head to those who exclaimed, "Link! Our hero!" and the like.

"Hello, Fado," he said, grinning with relief as he saw the old rancher running toward him. "How's the herd?"

"Fantastic," said Fado. He clapped Link on the back and grinned right back, and then raised his eyebrows in a secretive manner. "How's the happy couple, if you don't mind my asking?"

Link coughed, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. He decided it would be safest to fake deafness.

"Sorry, can't hear you over all this noise!" he mouthed, spinning around to sprint away. A warm hand grasped the back of his shirt and dragged him back. A voice chuckled at his ear.

"Having some marriage problems, are we?"

"Seventeen is too young," said Link. "Definitely too young. I - I can't please her. I don't…"

"Shh, don't fret," said Fado. He was smirking. "That's the most I've ever heard you talk in my life." He sighed deeply. "I knew it. Ilia is…interesting. She can be very demanding and yet make you feel bad by blinking those pretty little eyes and clasping those pretty little hands. But at least you're still a young couple and the love is still fresh!"

Blinking, Link told the truth: "Actually, I feel like the love curled up and died the moment she said 'yes, darling, I'll marry you, please don't beg'. She's the one who begged _me _to marry _her!"_

"You can always get a divorce," said Fado.

Link looked at him askance.

"A divorce," Fado informed him. "Fancy word for 'split up'. All you do is cut your bonding quilt in half, take half of it, and kick her out. End of story."

"No," said Link. He did not want to break her heart. Besides, she might slit his throat at night when he slept if he did. And then do all the horrible things she teased him about to get him up in the morning.

"Okay, champion, but just remember…keep your chin up!"

Link smiled at him and took the opportunity to rush out of town and back to his little house. It was a dusky orb in the middle of the forest, beautiful and homely and welcoming. He patted Epona absently as he passed by her, remembering the time when he turned into a wolf and exchanged words with her. Or was it all a dream?

"I'm home," he said loudly. Ilia's beaming face appeared in the triangular window. Then it fell. Grew darker. Turned into a disgusted grimace.

"_Liar!" _she screamed, fleeing back into the darkness of the house.

Link stood frozen outside. If he were a cartoon, there would most definitely be a large, prominent question mark over his head. _What the hell? _he wondered as he clambered up the ladder and opened the door.

"Yes, honey, glad to see you too?"

Illia was curled up on the farthest chair by the farthest wall, glaring at him with as much energy as she had. Link ran a puzzled hand through his windswept hair and sighed.

"Okay, I give up," he said. "What did I do?"

"If you don't know, I don't think I should tell you," Ilia hissed.

Link surrendered. "Okay. I'm going to go have dinner. I'm sorry for whatever I did."

Ilia barked out one short, harsh laugh and in three steps blocked his way to the kitchen.

"No, you're not," she said angrily. "You're not sorry for what you did, and you're not getting dinner."

Link stared at her nervously, chewing his lip. Had she quite literally gone crazy?

"You lied about going into town," said Ilia, and his blood ran cold. "You lied about your sword."

Link turned away to heft the sword in question over his shoulder and to put it safely in his room, not quite meeting her eye. "Of course not. Why would I?"

"Rusl came by."

Oh, God.

"He joked around with me. He asked if you were still alive, or if I had killed you yet. The way things are going, I just might do that. He also said, and I quote: _'When you see him, tell him to come by. I miss him a lot. He hasn't been to see me since the Twilight journey ended.'_"

Link swallowed, his heart hammering. He had to talk. He had to talk fast.

"Ah -" He swallowed again. _You wrestled Gorons, _he reminded himself, and gaining a small bit of courage, he mumbled, "I went to town. He wasn't there. Then I left. That's all that happened, I swear."

_Ilia's a bit more dangerous than the Gorons, buddy._

"No," said Ilia with a scary forced calm. "You're cheating on me."

So that was what was bothering her? He could have laughed. "No, I'm not. You're the only one I -"

"Oh, shut up, nobody believes you!" snapped Ilia. There was a maddening gleam in her eye. "Who is it, darling? Zelda the Pretty Princess? What, is she dancing her little fairy feet down to Ordon to sneak away with you? Or been going to see - what's-her-face - Midna, the annoying little pixie-imp thing?"

"Midna's gone," Link explained heavily. "And she's not an imp anymore. It was a curse. And Zelda's too busy to see me. She's the Princess, for God's sake."

Ilia sniffed, but she looked mollified. "It's a villager then."

"Not meaning any offense, but you're the only girl my age."

"Kakarikan!" she shot back. "A Zora girl! A Twili! Telma!"

Link shuddered. "No…listen. I'm not cheating on you - I swear it." Indeed, he wasn't. He would never dream of it - Ilia would murder him. He gave her a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but perhaps it came out a leer for she wrinkled her brow and stomped her foot.

"Lies!" she screamed. "Lies, lies, _lies! _Okay, look, _Hero. _You might have fought like three hundred monsters, but you'll be wishing that you could go back to those good old days when I'm through with you!"

Link said nothing. He was on fire. He wanted to be anywhere but here. He wanted to die and have the ground swallow him up.

"If you're not cheating on me, then what are you doing? Spill!" shouted Ilia. "Or by God I'll go and make a little deal with Zant and ask him to knock some sense into you!"

"Don't joke about stuff like that!" yelled Link.

Dead silence. But for once Link wasn't fazed. He was so mad, he might have exploded. His hands were clenched into furious fists.

"It's not funny," he said quietly. "It never will be."

For once, Ilia was flustered. She blinked several times, tearfully, pleadingly. "I - I -"

"Never mind the cheating," said Link. "I've never cheated on you. Ever. And if you don't believe me, I don't think I can force you to. Maybe…maybe we should end this."

She moved forward and he thought she was going to give him a warm, apologetic hug. Or hit him. But then he saw what she had in her hands. It was…rope? Yes, thick rope and she tied it tightly around his wrists. Link didn't realize what she was doing until it was done. Hands and arms pinned behind his back, he began to struggle.

"What are you _doing?" _he choked.

"Making sure you don't leave me," she replied, tears glistening in her eyes. "I love you, Link. You're mine forever. Remember that."

She finished tying him up and kissed him on the cheek. Then, with a mad glint in her eyes, she shoved him inelegantly down the mouth of the cellar with a strangled cry. Link shouted, twisting in midair, feeling the air grow colder and colder and the light disappear. With a thud that left him dazed and broken-feeling, he hit the hard cement ground in pitch blackness.

"ILIA!"

"Goodnight, Link," she said, and closed the trapdoor, leaving him in utter darkness.


	3. Psychos and Sociopaths

And God looked at all His creatures and saw that they were good.

Ha!

Link sat against the wall in the dark, mulling. Ilia was obviously crazy. She was a psychopath. She was dangerous; she was wicked; she deserved to be locked up. She had tied him up and thrown him in the basement, for Ordona's sake! A basement which he sat in the entire night, musing, making no effort to break his bonds.

_I'm getting out of here. I can't stay. I won't._

_Let's just see her try to stop me._

_Wait, _persisted a tiny voice in the back of his mind. _Do you really want to be the only boy in Ordon that isn't settled? Think of the names they'll call you. Stray Waif, Gypsy Boy. _

You forgot Hero, he informed himself.

_You think they'll remember that forever? They'll forget, in time. And you'll let them._

Of course I will, he told himself. I can't take credit forever.

Shining the darkness, the odd birthmark on the back of his hand lit up with the brilliance of a thousand stars. He suddenly felt very sick. A rush of remembrance unsteadied him, dizzying, pushing its way through. Zant's twisted, insect-like face was pasted before his eyes. Ugly, foul, terrifying. And with even more horror, Ganondorf's face - entwining him with steel cables, reeling him in like a fish. Closer, closer.

"Lunch, sweetie!" came the shrill cry of his beloved wife. She thrust open the trapdoor and threw down a half-eaten animal carcass, forgetting that Link was a vegetarian. Again. "And tomorrow I might even let you out for mealtime!" The door slammed shut again, and Link winced at the loud, echoing noise.

He felt sorry for Ilia. What delusions she must be suffering. What happened to the sane, wholesome girl he knew in his childhood? Did she get eaten up and spat back out by demons? Did she get bitten by a manic spider? Was Link doing this to her? He felt sicker than before and decided that he had to get out. He had to take a stroll.

He had to visit Zelda.

Link puzzled for a moment about his bounds, and then simply stretched with all of his might. The ropes snapped under the enormous pressure. He stopped to listen to Ilia rant about soy beans, but only for a moment; time was wasting. Link prowled amidst the darkness, hunting for the ladder.

"_Vegetarian….does the vegetarian want soy beans? Oh, yes, plenty of them!"_

He froze, one hand on a rung of the precious ladder. The next moment he was sprinting for the farthest corner of the cellar and crouching down the smallest ball he could manage.

_"Soy beans! You want your damn soy beans! Here!"_

The trapdoor was flung open and light flooded the tiny room, silhouetting a crazed Ilia in the square opening. She emptied an entire basket of soy beans through the hole - they clattered, like rain, onto the floor. Link lifted one arm so as to shield himself from the dangerous falling pellets.

"_Ha! Rabbit food for the cowering little rabbit!" _she crowed, leering down at him.

He bit his tongue and ran.

"What - how did you -"

There was no time for words. Link whisked up the ladder to his freedom, accidentally brushing against his wife as he did so. She tottered - teetered - tipped - he had knocked her off balance - and fell as if slow motion, down and down and down before Link could steady her. It would have been funny if there wasn't a stone floor beneath it. Or maybe it wouldn't have. All he knew was that his mind went blank with shock and the thought crossed his mind: She's not as strong as I am. Her bones will break. Her skull might crack. Her heart might -

He dived down after her, but it did nothing. He saw, he heard, the limp body of Ilia hit the hard floor, that terribly hard cellar floor, and saw her curl up in surprise and in pain.

"Ilia!" he yelled, voice far too loud for that small room. "Ilia, are you alright?"

And she was. Wonderfully young. Not a scratch on her. Still barely out of girlhood, bones still flexible, still able to bounce back. Link got up and looked back to the ladder. The fall was not nearly as long as he imagined - as it felt like, when he watched her tumble down, arms spinning out like a windmill.

He ran over and lifted her half-up, relieved and horrified at the same time.

"Link," she whispered.

She looked like her true self, like the Ilia he used to know.

"I fell," she said in wonder.

_I know._

Then the dark, dark insanity, the endless craziness poured back into her eyes and filled up her face. Her grip tightened on his arm.

Link knew then, that it would never end. "I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes, and he stood up, gently detaching himself from her grip, and climbed up the ladder.

He left the house, got on his horse, and rode until he forgot his own name.

The glow on his hand slowly faded away.


End file.
